Have you ever “fake felt” something? It is sort of like living in denial. For example, let’s say there is a movie that you really wanted to see and had such high hopes for, but when you see it, it is just OK. You say you like it, and you really want to like it, but truth be told, it sucks. Sometimes I REALLY want to like something. And I like the idea of it, but the reality of it falls short. Have you ever had this in your life?
It could be a relationship that you really wanted to work out, but it just isn’t working. It could be a job you thought would be great, but it isn’t. It could be a meal you have been looking forward to, like Eggplant Parmesan, but when you take that first bite, you are so excited and want it to be firm and juicy, but the fact is that it is mushy and gross.
What are you tolerating in your life, what are you settling for?
When you are true to yourself and show up authentic, you express your true feelings, not just the feeling you want to feel. For instance if you are bothered by something, let’s say someone calls you a jerk, and you really don’t want to care, but you do, you feel bad about it. Part of you really, really wants to say, “I don’t care what others think, but YOU REALLY DO, and lying to yourself that it doesn’t affect you does not help you. It creates an inner conflict. When you ignore and do not acknowledge your REAL feelings, and just try to jump ahead and say you don’t care, you are doing an injustice to yourself. Your self deserves the acknowledgment of, “Hey, that hurt, and it did not make me feel good.” And then, only then, can you move on from it. Otherwise, when you suppress your true feelings they will keep popping up until you acknowledge them.
Sometimes I surprise myself at what I cry about, so no matter how well you think you know yourself there are times when you’re not fully aware of the scope of your feelings and perhaps you are not fully facing some of the things inside of you. For instance, this morning I was very anxious about going to the doctor’s for a physical. I already had my blood work and looked at my results and they were just fine but I have so much energy around going to doctors from being diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis that just the simple act of visiting a doctor terrifies me a little because I so just want to not have anything wrong with me. The act of going into a cold white walled doctor office makes me feel uneasy and resulted in me having a good cry this morning. So I have to acknowledge the fact that I do have anxiety when it comes to doctors and medical visits and I have to tell myself that this is perfectly normal and that because of my autoimmune condition and it is completely understandable that I have these reactions. I don’t get mad at myself for it and I don’t say, “toughen up, stop crying like a baby!” I’m not impatient with myself I love myself to fully just let it out and cry if I have to and then I say how great I am that I put self-care at the forefront and even though sometimes going to doctors could be scary for me I am going because essentially I care about my health and I face whatever I need to face head-on.
When I went to a workshop this last weekend for my life coaching school I saw some people, while being coached, crying, releasing and letting out something emotional. Then I witnessed some of those people getting mad at themselves for crying. When you get angry at yourself for expressing a very natural and normal human emotion that is not self-love or self-care. Sometimes there is a conflict on how people want to be or how they want to see themselves as to who they really are.
So if you have a moment where you are releasing emotions and you are crying, allow yourself to be exactly as you are in that moment instead of resisting, and instead of reacting to it. For instance, getting mad at yourself for crying. There is nothing wrong with crying, crying is beautiful, allow it to be released. I notice people also apologize for crying as well.
Over the weekend during one part of a coaching session I cried because it hit a part of me that had a lot of energy around, it was about my arthritis and the fact that I ran a 5k for the first time. I was so proud of myself to be able to be a human in front of others and to not be ashamed or embarrassed of my energy around these topics. I embraced it and I loved that about myself, that I feel strong enough and okay enough to be able to expose the energy I have about these topics in front of others, which happened to consist of some tears and exposing a vulnerable side of me. Afterwards, I received so many hugs and so many personal stories from others about similar topics.
One girl in the class came up to me after she gave me a big hug and said she thought I cried because she knew I was missing my home (we were out of town) and this reason or that reason, and she said “I could see now why you cried”. For a minute there I thought number one, why do you need to explain why I cried, and why do you need to rationalize the act of crying. You don’t have to do that for me, it’s just how I was at that moment and that is okay. In fact it is phenomenal, that I felt a strong energy and that I expressed it without hesitation.
I don’t need to justify why I cried or have anyone else justify it for me and let me know that it’s okay that I cried, it already is okay. I have strong energy around my arthritic condition and that is what makes me human, and the fact that I have powerful feelings around it is great because it inspires me to take action, like running a 5k.
So my point in this whole thing is Express Yourself, be who you are unashamedly and apologetically without any explanation or justification, JUST BE….